WELL SLAP ME SILLY AND CALL ME ______

missing you

@9:45:00 PM
Posted on Tuesday, September 15, 2009

this is what i feared most about the holiday: thinking more about him rather than letting it be a getaway trip.

I kinda knew this would happen, after all it was just me and my mum.
And the thing I like best about going away is coming back and receiving messages, knowing someone misses you. I tried so hard to dismiss thoughts about him, the relationship, how we were good tgt, but thinking about how he did me wrong just didn't matter. I really feel so much for him its disgusting.

The worst thing is, as much as I want to make up and get back together with him, I know we cannot be together? There's so much to think about, especially when I'm the kind of person who constantly prepares only for marriage and not just 'dating'. I'm quite freaky in that way. But God creates your other half for a reason so I dont really believe in flings.

Me and my mum went around hk with my dad's friends, Uncle Jason and Aunty Set Yi. And something she said struck me, kinda comforted me for a bit.
"When it comes to marriage, it's not about love anymore. It's about commitment. Sooner of later the spark will just fade off. But to stay together forever, you need the commitment."

And I think my problem is that I feel he's not the best God has prepared for me? I don't mean the best in a resume how-much-he-earns sense, but like. Just for me.
Maybe I suit a fat, ugly, stupid guy. hahaha I hope not, please God. But whatever Your will la huh. (Silently still pleads)

So yes, hk was painful like that. The expectations on the way back (did he call, did he miss me,) ended all painful like that. Returning from hk was painful like that.

Butttt now that i'm baaaack. I'll deal with it la.
And i apologise for being emo about this again. needed to air it somewhere.

Didn't do much shopping so i didn't manage to get souvenirs! I APOLOGISE! Typhoon season la.