So I met him on Saturday, to return him the big puzzle I had framed on my wall. It's technically his, which i figured might mean more to him years from now if we both moved on and I wanted to clear the room.
We went for lunch, i went for worship prac after, had an hr to kill before going to work so i met him again before he met edwin, henry and kester.
It was all nice and normal and... like how we used to be, minus the hand holding and the playful hitting.
I'm sorry for this rant and whining that's coming up. But I've been down because of this (and pms) for the whole day I really just need to let it all out even if it doesnt make sense because I really dont know what sense it all makes anyway.
But yes and now i'm left all more confused than ever. Not that i'm planning to make a move of reconciliation. But there's this great burden in my heart. I think mainly cos it felt like he probably still had feelings for me too? Or maybe not. But it was the nice comfortable feeling between us.
And there's nothing else to really describe how I feel except confusion. I hate to say this, but since my blog is all private now I guess it won't be of great offense that I feel this is my first real break up.
It's so cliche when you hear people speaking of the battle between the heart and the mind but it's so true and it's so strenuous and tiring when it happens to you.
I hate that we broke up so sensibly. Out of sensible reasons. That he's not christian, that it'll not be good in the long run of marriage, that i'm only his first gf, that we have diff priorities.
But we're so good together. And although it's one against a thousand reasons, it makes so much sense. And it's so beautiful when I think about it. We're so different in so many ways but together alone we're so so good together. It's so comfortable it's pleasing and peaceful to me.
Is what I'm feeling because I'm just used to him? Because I miss him? Is it something I just have to get over?
Or is it so unexplainable because this is what love is all about?
This should be me.. Seven years from now:
Married.
Trying for kids but in no rush for one.
Quaint, clean house with a backyard for the dog.
Or dogs.
All probably adopted or rescued.
Working with some job to do with animals.
...duh.
